The following are from the Washington Post Style Invitational (a weekly contest for readers). The idea is to redefine words from the dictionary.
Abdicate: v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash: n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Bustard: n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
Carcinoma: n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Circumvent: n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee: n., a person who is coughed upon.
Esplanade: v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted: adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence: n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Gargoyle: n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Internet: n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.
Lymph: v., to walk with a lisp.
Macadam: n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible.
Marionettes: n., residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Negligent: adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster: n., a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Rectitude: n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he or she examines you.
Semantics: n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Testicle: n., a humorous question on an exam.
Willy-nilly: adj., impotent.