From "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"


Unbelievably, Monty Python is over 30 years old. The last TV episode was filmed in 1974. Most of what the Pythons did was too physical to appreciate in script form, but the "Bloody Peasant" scene from "Monty Python and the Holy ____________________________________________________________________________

[thud] [King Arthur music] [thud thud thud] [King Arthur music stops]

Arthur: "Old woman!"

Dennis: "Man."

A: "Sorry. Old man! Whose castle is that?"

D: "I'm 37!"

A: "What?"

D: "I'm 37, I'm not old!"

A: "Well, I can't just call you 'man'."

D: "Well, you could say 'Dennis'."

A: "I didn't know you were called Dennis."

D: "You never bothered to find out, did you?"

A: "I did say sorry about the old woman, but from behind you looked--"

D: "Well, I object. You're automatically treatin' me like an inferior!"

A: "Well, I _am_ King."

D: "Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how'd you get that, then? By exploitin' the workers, by hangin' on to our dated imperialist domga, which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's going to be any progress--"

Wife: "Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here-- Oh, how'd you do."

A: "Hello, good woman. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?"

W: "King of the who?"

A: "The Britons."

W: "Who are the Britons?"

A: "We are, we all are, and I am your King."

W: "I didn't know we had a King. I thought we were an autonomous collective."

D: "You're fooling yourself. We're livin' in a dictatorship, a self-perpetuating autocracy, in which the working class--"

W: "Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again--"

D: "But that's what it's all about! If only people would listen--"

A: "Please, please, good people! I am in haste. Whose castle is that?"

W: "No one lives there."

A: "Then who is your lord?"

W: "We don't have a lord."

A: "What?"

D: "I told you. We're an narco-syndicous commune. We take it in turn, to act as sort of an officer for the week--"

A: Yes I see."

D: "--but all the decisions of that officer hae to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting--"

A: "Yes, I see."

D: "--by a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs--"

A: "Be quiet."

D: "--or by a two-thirds majority, in the case of--"

A: "Be quiet, I order you, be quiet!"

W: "Order, eh? Who's he think he is?"

A: "Why, I am your King!"

W: "I didn't vote for you."

A: "You don't vote for Kings."

W: "Well, how'd you become King, then?"

A: "The Lady of the Lake,... [angels sing] ...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] THAT is why I'm your king!"

D: "Listen, strange women, lyin' in ponds, distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. SUPREME executive power derives from a mandate of the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

A: "Shut up!"

D: "You can't expect to weild supreme executive power, just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!"

A: "Shut up!"

D: "Why, if I went around, sayin' I was an emperor, just 'cause some moistened dink had lubbed a symitar at me, they'd put me away!"

A: "Shut up! Will you shut up!" (punch)

D: "Oh, now we see the violence inherent in the system!"

A: "Shut up!" (punch)

D: "Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm bein' repressed!"

A: "Bloody peasant!"

D: "Oh, what a giveaway! Did you see that? Did you see him repressin' me? You saw it, didn't you?..."