The Man Test

Please take the following Manliness Assessment...

  1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
          a) lovemaking
          b) screwing
          c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

  2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
       a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
       b) your blood-test results
       c) five tequila slammers

  3. You time your orgasm so that:
       a) your partner climaxes first
       b) you both climax simultaneously
       c) you don't miss SportsCenter

  4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
       a) healthy, creative love-play
       b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
       c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

  5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
       a) the best part of the experience
       b) the second best part of the experience
       c) $100 extra

  6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
       a) No concern of yours
       b) not a problem, she can join your gym
       c) a conservative estimate

  7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
       a) a myth
       b) an oxymoron
       c) a moron

  8. Foreplay is to sex as:
       a) appetizer is to entree
       b) primer is to paint
       c) a line is to an amusement park ride

  9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
       a) "I hope we can still be friends."
       b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
       c) "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU."

  10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
       a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
       b) is uptight and a waste of time
       c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Evaluating the results:

If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.

If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "You DA MAN!"

(Contributed by Erick Freed)