The Man Test

Please take the following Manliness Assessment...

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
         a) lovemaking
         b) screwing
         c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
   
   
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
      a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
      b) your blood-test results
      c) five tequila slammers
   
   
3. You time your orgasm so that:
      a) your partner climaxes first
      b) you both climax simultaneously
      c) you don't miss SportsCenter
   
   
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
      a) healthy, creative love-play
      b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
      c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
   
   
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
      a) the best part of the experience
      b) the second best part of the experience
      c) $100 extra
   
   
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
      a) No concern of yours
      b) not a problem, she can join your gym
      c) a conservative estimate
   
   
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
      a) a myth
      b) an oxymoron
      c) a moron
   
   
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
      a) appetizer is to entree
      b) primer is to paint
      c) a line is to an amusement park ride
   
   
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
      a) "I hope we can still be friends."
      b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
      c) "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU."
   
   
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
       a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
       b) is uptight and a waste of time
       c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Evaluating the results:

If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.

If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "You DA MAN!"

(Contributed by Erick Freed)